POWER OVER AUTISM
Empowering Parents

Sometimes I just FEEL TIRED! 
As children with Autism & other neurobiological disabilities are provided with more services than ever before, they are able to benefit from new and more progressive types of therapy and other programs aimed at their special needs.
Still, parents can become so hyper-focused on getting their child treatment every day, that they forget that their child is, just that, a child.  Children, Autism or NO, have much less ability for long-term focused attention to specific tasks.  They generally lack task management and are unable to retain the things they are supposed to be learning after they've hit their "Threashold" for focused attention.
This is true with very young children, who's ability to retain what they've learned without total overstimulation usually hovers around a 2 hour mark. 
In fact, some say that YOU (PARENTS) can calculate the percentage and even determine the exact number of hours your child should be held accountable for focused learning, by looking to his or her age.  Some specialists say that children can learn through focused attention for approximately 1 hour during the preschool years.  Once the child is in Elementary school, they're going to be able to focus and retain information that has been taught to them, when it's taught in 1/2 hour to 1 hour blocks of time, and can't exceed about 4 hours.  When they are in Middle School, they have the same results when they are given many breaks throughout the day, as children in this age group have minds that are constantly wandering.  They can stay focused for about 3 to 4 hours, of broken up focused learning.  After that, it's just rote listening and mostly goes in one ear and out the other. 
High School adolesence are about the same.  Their ability for focused attenition only goes up about an hour longer than middle school.  Giving breaks in between intense learning is especially crucial for retention. 
This can be the easiest and most effective measure we have and can utilize for planning our children's other learning programs and balancing them with school. 

As well, all children will have "On" days and "Off" days.  Just like you and me.  Today- our daughter, who is in the 5th grade right now, didn't feel very well at school.  She sweetly complained that her stomach was hurting and asked the teacher to call her Mama.  Her teacher, Mrs. Kay called to report that our daughter was definitely sincere.  And she seemed extremely tired too. 
I went and picked her up at the first opportunity I had. When I spoke with her teacher, she said that our daughter had been trying to focus and stay "on task" but that she just kept becoming distracted and really seemed to be struggling with fatigue and tummy trouble.  What point would I be making if I forced her to stay at school?  I would be inadvertently telling her that she'd "Have" to deal with school even when sick.  Doing that would backfire, as she'd get the message that she would be stuck there and not have the ability to 'speak up' for herself. 
And what we, as parents, are all striving for is to give our children (Their OWN Voice) in their own lives.  And so I did just that.  She as able to speak up for herself and have her TRUE and immediate needs met!
She also feels more confident in going to school and in me, as she knows that "I've got her back" with school....
I promise you that this works.  Our daughter has Never been more eager and sweet about going TO school than she has been this year, with these new 'speak-up' principles in place in her IEP. 

No one human being should be subjected to rigid therapy programs 24/7.  This is especially true for children with Autism!  Our daughter has Autism, among other health problems.  We work with her on a daily basis.  But, she'll be the first to let us know that...

"Sometimes I Just Need My Pillow!"... Our ASD daughter is going to have her 11th Birthday in less than two months.  Still, as you may or may not know, it's common for children with Autism- especially girls, to develop at about a rate of appx. 2 years earlier than their Mother's did.  Well, I got my first period when I was 12 years old and she got her's about 6 months ago.  So, she was 10 when puberty really took hold.  10 years old may seem young for a girl to have to deal with such adult issues....yet, with Autism, most of the time, parents have to deal with these issues much earlier than they do with their neurotypical children.  
Allison Nicole, our daughter, has an incredible personality!  She doesn't "take crap" from anyone!  But when PMS overwhelms her, she's completely overcome with emotions that are manageable and 'normal' the rest of the time. 
This morning, Allison crept down our staircase just after she awoke, with her blanket over her head, bloodshot eyes, puffy nose and tears and snot streaming down her face.  She cried and cried....as I got her morning medicines and a cup of water for her.  I took a seat in the family room and asked her to join me.  She was slow to climb up onto my lap, but still eager.  No mistaking this was going to be a PMS day for Allison.  Once she settled in next to me, she draped her legs and arms over my body and pressed her tear-soaked cheek onto my chest.  I held her in my arms and asked all sorts of "why" questions.  
Finally, I said "Lovey, do you think that you got Hormones?"  She nodded and whispered, "Yeah, I got girl trouble problems and I'm saaaddd Mama!" More tears.  I hugged her tightly and channel surfed until I came upon her fav morning kid show.  I showed her.  "look what's on, would you like to watch?" I asked.  She nodded and wiped her nose across my shoulder.  After about a half-hour of cuddling her on the couch, I asked her if she was hungry for breakfast, and although she was, she was uncertain of what she wanted. 
I made a plethora of foods to choose from and brought the to her on a TV tray.  She gobbled up everything and asked for more.  Obviously a healthy appetite.  'Okay, definitely PMS...and I've got to get to the Bank sometime today.' I thought.  
Instead of focusing on her Autism therapies, or some programs that she would normally do on a Tuesday morning, I focused all of my attentions on her emotions- mind that I've got twins, who are two years older to take care of too.  However, 1 of the twins also has Autism.  So, this would pose no 'easy' task by any means.  Still I stayed with her emotions.  
After eating, her show had ended.  Her anxiety escalated into a panic.  And after giving her, her morning medicine, I gave her a pill that her doctor prescribed specifically for PMS and for Panic attacks.  I quickly ran up and down the stairs to get one for her, handed her the little pill, and another cuppy of water, which she quickly took and then reached out her hand.  I reminded her about her 'Breathing Helpers'. 
"Sometimes I just need my pillow....Mama" she said.  "I know Darling...come on." I answered and reached out my hand.  We went up to her bedroom where I promptly rearranged her bedding and pushed a few extra Pillow Pets up against the wall behind her back.  She climbed in and pulled the covers up around her chin.  Next I brought out her 'ol reliable' movie case, which I quickly unzipped and opened to show her some DVD's.  Allison chose one after a whole bunch of humming and hawwing....finally, she handed me a 'Max & Ruby' disc, which I quickly pushed into the side of her TV, where the DVD player is built in. With the remote in one hand, I sat on the bed beside her and helped remind her where the 'Play' button was.  She pushed it, and the movie started.  She asked for a drink of water and some tissues.  This time, I ran down then up to bring her her requests.  Still, I sat with her, rubbing her back as we watched her video. 
About twenty minutes later, Allison turned to look up at me and said, "Thank you Mama, you can go do work now...I'm...ummm...okay." I smiled and kissed her wet face until she pushed me back. I giggled and kissed her forehead. She swigged her water bottle and smiled back at me.  Then, looking me directly in the eyes, she said, "I love you Mama! Thank you for my Pillow". 
-Note: Remember your child may have Autism...but Autism doesn't define your child.  He/she is a child.  This is the only childhood your child will have.  Will you be flexible with your child?  Will you honor his/her feelings?  Especially when they are dealing with other health problems like PMS?  What would you do with your child if a Tuesday morning suddenly took a turn down our path?
Sometimes we all Just Need Our Pillow! (and love)